as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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