In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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