I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
