it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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