Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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