Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Everclear isn't food dammit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
