btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
