oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
