walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
one might say we're banned from that church
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
