What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
