Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
