I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
