i just sent this text using only my big toe
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
