If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
