is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
