i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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