the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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