Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
