I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
