guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
