Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
