I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
