He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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