is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
