So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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