I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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