I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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