the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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