my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
