Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
