The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
