i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
