So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
