hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
