forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
