just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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