'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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