I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Less talking, more tequila
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize