he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
did i just pee glitter
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
