I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Text me some of your sweat
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
