just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
