kristin has been a bad kristin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize