Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
