Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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