did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
