We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
