i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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