I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
