I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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