I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
