He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
