I don't usually arrange sex via text message
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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