y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hippo gnu deer
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize