If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
