My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
