I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
