I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Bring me that man meat
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
