hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
