Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
