Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
