Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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