I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
