That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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