I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
