Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
