I haven't been this sober since birth.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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