I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
