I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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