Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were trust falling into bushes
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
