How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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