New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
