I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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