she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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