Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
