just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
