At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
