I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
