I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
