my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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