I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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