ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
