what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
