Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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