Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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