ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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