the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
