My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
