You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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