I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
