she sounds like chewbacca in bed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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